Before I knew boys existed, friends were my first love. I fantasized about having friendships like the ones I saw on shows like Sex and The City and Girlfriends. I knew they weren’t perfect, but our love would trump all evil and we’d be eternally joined by the hips and tits. Unfortunately, as most of you may have experienced at least once, life rarely works that way. One day you suddenly find yourself trying to figure out how to heal a broken heart when the friendship that you thought would continue in the retirement home falls apart. You realize that you won’t be drinking soup together because you’re toothless, writing friendship poems, or using a measuring tape to see how far one another’s tits have sagged because it’s over.
So, what do you do when a friendship you thought would last for eternity ends? Do you salvage the broken pieces and put them back together or end the chapter without looking back? To help you answer that question, I will explore the significance of friendships and tell you how to heal a broken heart.
The Importance of Friendships
Now you know I love me some research and statistics so I had to see what the people who have dedicated their lives to being nosey and inquisitive AF (sorry, I like to abbreviate my profanity because science says smart people use vile words but the Jesus in me says it’s unladylike) have to say about the importance of friendship. Look at highlights of what I found below.
Friendship Becomes More Important as You Age
A journal titled Personal Relationships recently researched the importance of friendship using over 270,000 people in nearly 100 countries. They found that the older people get, the more important friends are to them. This probably explains why my mom is hard down trying to be my bestie right now. I guess old age is making her forget all those times she told me she wasn’t my friend. So, why are you trying to be my friend now Suzy?? I hope she’s not reading this. If so — just kidding, I love you girl!
Strong Friendships Are Good for Your Wellbeing
The same research also found that strong friendships had a stronger connection to wellbeing as you age than family connections do. This was often because people preferred spending time with friends as they could do leisurely things with them whereas sometimes family was a little too serious. In other words, you can go to the trap house or strip club with ya friends but your momma ain’t having none of it.
Absence of Social Connections Could Negatively Affect Health
Scientific literature on the value of friendship tells us there’s a strong connection between social relations and how long you’ll live. Before you send your loved one’s special messages, this doesn’t mean that if you don’t have friends you’re going to die. It just means their studies found that loneliness led to worse outcomes than obesity. And that wasn’t a joke by the way.
Now that we’ve gotten a little research in, we’ll go into all the soppy and painful stuff regarding how to heal when friends break your heart.
1.) See If It Can be Salvaged
When looking at how to heal when friends break your heart, one of the first things you should think about is whether you can salvage it. We all know that pride and forgiveness often keep people from repairing friendships. However, I challenge you to take a pen and paper write all the good things that your friend has done for you. You can then turn the page and note the ways you’ve intentionally and unintentionally hurt them.
If after this, you feel like the friendship is worth salvaging, see how you can reach out and calmly talk about what went wrong. I have a few friendships that have broken that I haven’t been able to salvage because of my fear of rejection.
There was one that I attempted to mend through gifts, a couple of “I’m sorry” messages and a surprise visit. Sadly, it was to no avail. On a brighter note, I closed the chapter feeling proud of myself because I had enough courage to put my pride aside and fight for someone I loved.
2.)Accept That Not All Friendships Last Forever
The first friendship heartbreak I experienced was by my best friend back in high school. We cried together, talked trash together, enjoyed ratchet living together and wore gold teeth together. Then one day I had to move to London because I ran away from home and that was the last straw for my parents.
I thought we would continue being overseas besties and nothing would change. I emailed tirelessly only to find that she had moved on and she couldn’t understand why I was so hurt by it. That was the first time I realized that not all friendships last forever. Considering this, if truly you’re wondering how to heal, you’ll have to accept not all friendships last forever — and not be bitter about it.
If you’ve tried to salvage it and can’t seem to get on the same page, perhaps the friendship has ended and it just wasn’t meant to last forever.
3.) Focus on The People That Love You
Many times, we spend too much of our lives focused on the people that don’t love us. We focus on the people we begged to love us and the pain that rejection caused when they didn’t. However, know that all the love you have right now — at this moment is all the love that you need.
Never underestimate the power of a single person’s love and how it can help you heal. Try to stop focusing on the friends that broke your heart and focus on the ones capable of helping it heal. When you remember friends that have broken your heart, don’t forget they once loved you. Focus on the good times and make the painful events that happened a distant memory.
When thinking about how to heal from the pain of friends breaking your heart, remember the key to healing is accepting that you’ve loved and also lost. Even if you can only count your remaining friends, on one hand, they are constant reminders that you are loved and quality is far more important than quantity.