Here’s A Love Letter Every Girl Should Write

Sometimes we creatives can be off the rails and undisciplined. At times, I feel like an unruly and impulsive firecracker. This week alone, I have told myself that I want to go and see spring in Japan as well as dance in a field of sunflowers almost the same size as me. But how is a broke creative to fund these excursions?

Meanwhile, I’ve been working on Love on a Canvas all week. This means I’ve had to conjure up sentimental poems for special occasions. While doing some research for one particular poem I came across this AMAZING article On Buzfeed which has changed the focus of my bohemian hustle. So basically, in order to find out the average time it takes great people to do great things, some guy named Hayes mapped out the timeline of 76 composers’ careers and the great Mozart was among them. He found that virtually every single “masterwork” was written after year ten of the composer’s career. I started writing at 17 and I’m now 27 so that means I will write my best work now-ish!?? *Swoons*

Another interesting thing Hayes mentioned was Kobe Bryant’s discipline and how it made him as successful as he is today. He said Bryant’s goal at every practice was to make 800 shots and practice doesn’t end for him until he does. It got me thinking about what my daily and deliberate goals are. What is my daily target to ensure I’m the best at what I do? While looking for inspiration for one of my Valentine’s day orders, a friend sent me the link to a post of a girl who seemed to be writing a love letter to her undiscovered love. By the end of it, I had love hearts in my eyes and was tripping over my feet looking for my scratched up Love and Basketball DVD. It’s safe to say I found all of the inspiration I needed and thought I would also write a letter to my undiscovered love ….

“I almost didn’t write this. I thought it might be ridiculous and even more so cheesy to write to you. I know nothing about you. I haven’t yet memorized your scent. I haven’t yet been completely mezmerized by your ability to capture something as powerful as the sun and put it in my sky just so that it can shine for me. 

I think about you from time to time. About how you’ll stare at me when I’m eating and a trail of crumbs fall from my mouth to my lap. I eat like a child. Or how you’ll look at me in amazement or dismay when I laugh in public and almost put all of the elderly people into cardiac arrest. I think about how long you’ll wait for me to express how I feel when we’re having a heart to heart and I’m frantically trying to pull the words from my heart only to stutter often… I’m not good at verbally expressing how I feel.

I imagine the look on your face when you watch me perform. I think about you reading and critiquing my work while I’m curled up in your lap loudly chewing skittles and trying to throw some into your mouth but instead, watching them fall into your shirt. I have terrible aim. 

I think about listening to all of your dreams and safely placing them in the treasure box in my heart as though they’re mine, because they are indeed mine. I imagine kissing your forehead when you’re lost in thought, licking your eyeballs when you’re tired and bringing you your favorite food when you’re having a bad day. Like me, food makes you happy I think? I’ve licked quite a few eyeballs. 

I imagine us fighting over… I’m not sure what we will fight over but because you’re my best friend and I have something really funny to tell you I imagine playing with you until we both laugh. I then imagine us having makeup sex as hot and intense as a volcanic eruption.  I imagine kissing you in hopes of feeling all that you are with each exchange. Touching, gripping, embracing, holding as often as possible so that we have enough memories to hold onto while we’re apart. Intimacy and love are enchantment and magic experienced in the body and soul. 

Some days you will understand my abstract. And you will understand my intense need to feel the world spinning in my heart. You will understand my need to empower, and my deep need to be lost in art, intellect, and passion. When I am finally lost in a creative trance, you will come and find me and you’ll sit with me and help me paint the hearts of humanity with all of the new colours I’ve created. Some days you won’t understand my impulsive behavior, but you’ll love and advise me anyway. 

I imagine I’ll resist loving you at first because I believe most fairytales have tragic endings. But I believe your love and consistency will make me brave enough to love freely and fearlessly. Because you will love me that way.  I will know it’s you because one day I will be sad when the monsters in my closet come out and I struggle to put them back in and I will cry. I don’t cry in front of anyone. But I will cry, you’ll watch my tears fall, and I won’t feel defeated. Because you’ll take all of the vulnerability and turn it into love. 

I will watch you and understand why I had to kiss so many frogs before I kissed you. I will bask in your oceans of knowledge, listen to you, serve you, challenge you, and follow your lead when i’m unsure of which way to go because you’re a leader. I will place your crown on your head at the breaking of each day, and I’ll do it with an overflow of love and respect. 

I imagine you planting seeds in my desolate lands. I imagine you toiling day and night and pushing me day and night to water the seeds in hopes of turning all of my pain into roaring dandelions and thornless roses. 

I can promise you a lifetime of laughter, impulsive trips to Neverland, to walk with you on lonely paths leading to your dreams, forgiveness in the darkest moments and love that illuminates our world.  Until then my love….I’ll be waiting with flowers in my hair and art brewing at the core of my heart.”

Writing this was liberating and also gave me more clarity about what I want in a partner and it’s something I think every girl should write!

I still am not too sure what this whole love thing is about. Nonethelss, as a poet and sometimes hopeless romantic, I do believe that although rare, it does exist all the same.

Chocolate kisses and bohemian loving! xoxo

Why You Need Vulnerability to Make Relationships Work

Tears weren’t something that fell often in my house. This means that while growing up, I didn’t see vulnerability often. The only time I ever saw my mom cry was when her mom died, and I couldn’t have been older than seven years old. Likewise, I’ve never seen my dad cry in my entire life until date. I often wish I was in a household where we all cried while watching Titanic and talked about our feelings over dinner. In some ways, I feel it would have made me a better communicator and more comfortable with vulnerability. 

As an adult, vulnerability is so hard for me. I was a timid child and was always terrified of saying what was on my mind. I suppose I can recall trying to be vulnerable once or twice by sharing intimate things with my parents. On those occasions, I didn’t quite get the warm embrace and understanding I hoped for, so I stopped doing it altogether. I tried showing vulnerability in relationships and friendships, and I found most times, I was left feeling humiliated, so I stopped. 

The only place I was able to be vulnerable was within the sacred pages of my fluffy Tigger diary. I wrote down every thought I was scared of saying out loud, and I guess that’s where I developed my gift for writing. Unfortunately, over the years I’ve realized that being able to verbally express yourself is an integral part of a healthy relationship. As a result, I’ve had to cringe and stutter my way through verbally discussing sticky and ugly topics.

When I did some research into what constitutes a successful marriage, science had several things to say. A study carried out by researcher John Gottman found that how couples start tough conversations can determine how successful their relationship will be. That said, it takes vulnerability to have tough conversations. Without it, you may not be able to have a truly intimate and fulfilling relationship. Based on my journey so far, here’s why I feel you need vulnerability for a marriage to work.

It’s the Only Way to Establish Honesty 

I have always been a people pleaser, and it’s something that I hated about myself. I couldn’t stand the thought of letting people down or making them unhappy. I feel like that stemmed from my fear of rejection and my need to feel liked, loved, and accepted by everyone. I didn’t realize how big of an issue this was until I got married and struggled to talk about how I HONESTLY felt about serious matters.

A good example is a time when I was becoming overwhelmed because I was shouldering most of the housework and childcare. Instead of me telling him that I was becoming emotionally drained, I kept it inside and pretended like everything was fine. I knew talking about it would make me feel vulnerable because I had to share my feelings and do so honestly. It wasn’t until things got really difficult that I realized that I was hurting more than helping my relationship by not allowing myself to be vulnerable and by not telling MY truth out of fear. 

Sometimes, speaking your truth makes you feel vulnerable. You’re telling people exactly how you feel and what you think without the sprinkles on top. However, in doing so, you liberate yourself and also send a message to your partner that you trust them enough to share your most intimate thoughts and feelings. Doing this gives you the chance to experience a greater level of intimacy in your relationship. 

It’s the Only Way to Establish Trust 

I find it hard to trust people with my vulnerability. The first thing that happens when I think about falling apart in front of anyone is that they won’t help me pick up my pieces. I’m afraid of feeling embarrassed, humiliated and rejected when I allow myself to be vulnerable with people. So I refrain from doing it. Playing it safe has saved me so much pain. But it also means that I haven’t been able to experience the enchanting feeling of deep connections and unconditional love because I’m too guarded. 

Marriage has taught me that the true test of trust is vulnerability. If I can’t show you the most distorted version of myself, then I don’t trust you. And if I don’t trust you, there isn’t much glue holding us together. If you sneeze- BOOM! I’m on my way out and googling how to get through a divorce. 

With that being said, if you want to divorce-proof your relationship, take gradual steps towards being vulnerable and let your partner see you in your most humiliating states. Your marriage could be better because of it. 

It’s the Only Way to Experience Deep Love 

If you ever want to transcend past this surface-level love to that married 50 plus years, still writing cheesy marriage poems and smitten love, you’ve got to learn to be vulnerable. 21stcentury love isn’t vulnerable. It either packs its bags and leaves at the sight of vulnerability or breaks under the pressure of it all. 

And perhaps that is why our love isn’t lasting and why it isn’t immovable. Because nobody wants to be vulnerable and nobody wants to be naked. After undressing halfway, you find that most couples are filing for divorce and posting sad marriage poems on social media.

I understand firsthand that you don’t want to be vulnerable because what if it breaks you? Well, yes it might. But it may also recreate you. The vulnerability that petrifies you could be the key to you experiencing a love that surpasses your human understanding. Without vulnerability in your marriage, you’ll only ever experience surface-level love. Nothing that sets your soul on fire.

Say things that make you cringe, write your lover marriage poems, prioritize your love over being right, and be okay with being uncomfortable some days. 

Because Successful Marriages Require Courage 

Some of the greatest love stories in history are so epic because two people had the courage to let the other person into their forbidden place. They had the courage to throw caution to the wind and lose themselves in love. 

To be courageous is to live, and to feel and to experience and to love. Let’s face it, in order to commit to staying married to someone forever, you’re going to need a shitload of courage. 

SOooo in Conclusion….

In marriage, you get to a point where if you aren’t vulnerable, and you don’t strip yourself bare, you break. You have to speak the things that make your palms sweaty. You’ve got to come face to face with the toxic things your parents taught you that are now damaging your relationship. You’ve got to confront all of your demons and this requires vulnerability.

Marriage then ultimately becomes about you working to change those things, but you don’t get to do that alone. You do it with the person you’ve committed to spending the rest of your life with. They watch you struggle, they watch you fall, and sometimes they watch you fail. But the test of marriage is evolving into a better version of yourself and still being together when you get to the finish line. 

To be vulnerable is to be courageous. And to be courageous is to be fucking super human. Ultimately, when you’re vulnerable you’ll experience a magic in love that you never imagined existed. 

How do you deal with vulnerability in marriage or your relationship? Let’s talk about it in the comments!